a whisper.

This is how 2015 is going to end,
for me.

2012.

this place plays Mayday songs.

grow horns.

because being nice does not pay.
people just step on you.

and i have been nice.
for way too long.

you imbecile.

i could be fucking nasty.

but i chose not to.

because i will never stoop so low to your level.

never.

the ghost.

it followed me wherever i go.

it whispers nightmares.

toxic.

thanks L.

i could have pretty much died.

too many nights.

searching for answers.

i'm not the one who bury, only a blanket.

i try to not fall asleep, but if i do, i wish i do not wake up for it will be another episode of terrible things.

self rule.

i broke my first life's principle.

a sudden rush in my head.

fuck.

this morning was the toughest by far.

OAOA!

Dessert place playing Mayday!!!

physical damage.

got this momentary chest pains.
didn't know this is possible.
will my body shut down?

six degrees.

the only thoughts that could keep me sane are the same that are dragging me into insanity.

wish i could still take care of you, just like how i always used to

The First Mayday Song I Got From You.

how do i sleep?

It was a dream.
A dream of vast open greens,
where stars burn in the blackness of night.

It was a hope.
A hope of a walk held hand in hand,
through each and every turbulent times.

It was a love.
A love of two hearts from different worlds,
yearning to be nothing but one.

i'm not moving.

the man who can't be moved.

rewind, play, check, rewind.

I would rather take loud and open hits,
then ones which are discreet.

Because now my mind keep wondering when the poison had already started flowing in.
Now, the last few times we've met becomes more like a stage play.

You already knew the script, while I'm the fool enjoying the scene.

sleepy as hell.

might start talking to myself again.

change.

From a girl who always want to spend time with me, to one who always have other events to attend to. Don't even know whether to be angry or sad. You broke my heart, and now killing my soul. I really wonder what is happening to you now.

endless fall.

Heartstrings bursting.
This is madness.

swallowing me hole.

Time will heal.
But right now every minute, every second, I am thinking about you.
Thinking about how we got together.
How we shared our joy.
Laughter.
Sadness.
Ups.
Downs.

Your sweet smile.
Beautiful eyes.
Cheeky laughter.
Warm hugs.

Is this how people feel such loss?

Its madness.

What makes us human,
makes me feel like I don't want to be one.

such pain.

The world is cruel.

the return.

I am back.
Back here.
Depressed.
Alone.
Helpless.
How long am i going to stay here?
I am back to where I was.
Perhaps much worse.
Much, much worse.