depth.

you don't know how much i truly miss you...

out & cold.

i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel. i cannot feel.

helpless.

depressed, angry, disappointed, melancholic, tired.
so much shit in thoughts i cannot think of anything.
only lying on the floor of my room.
thinking perhaps all these are just nightmares.
and i would wake up.
or my heart stops and i go to a better place.

die in dreams.

you kept coming into my dreams.
all is still beautiful.
much more than reality.

it comes back.

am i just a shadow you drew?

prisoner with no parole.

she'll answer him like he is the one.
his arms outstretched.
but when she's done, he'll be torn apart.

deep & meaningless.

staring into space and wondering why.
what is this that i have to bear with all my heart?

keep counting.

there is no shame.
erosions of self-respect & dignity.
all but seen with blind eyes.
for vessel of earthly needs.

infinite.

i will be the stardust to forever float in the dark universe.

and not because of anything else.

"boo, if we ever separate let it be because we fight".

these were the words from your mouth.

in my head, over and over again.

you kept saying how you loved me for trusting you wholeheartedly.
see now the damage you have done to me without the slightest bit of regret.
see now the damage i have done to myself for believing in you.

but its different.

foul play.

this is not the end.

this is not the beginning.

not even a reason.

ever ran out of options and find yourself an excuse?
well yeah, an excuse.

no closure.

this is the way you left me.

no hope, no love, no glory.
no happy ending.

swept under the rug.

to you this means nothing.

tonight.

i thought we are going to fight together.
go through the pain together.
go through the joy together.

i thought we are going to make it.
i thought we can truly say,
together we're invincible.

zero control.

madness seeping in through.

lost lost lost.

where will all those memories go?
:(

throw the dice.

i'm just part of the plan.
you did not care about the execution.
only on the outcome.

100 100 100 100.

when you are living in a dark universe, even the brightest light barely touch the surface.
left to wither and die in the icy core of your heart.

a schrödinger's cat.

in a state of neither alive nor dead.
that is what you put me through.
and you are capable of that.
because your feelings are more important.
right?

the undeserving.

humans can never achieve peace.
that is a given.
it needs to be forced upon them.
without them knowing.
or unless necessary evil exist.
an external force.
one that has no end.
in the hope people can work together.
true peace is a far cry.
a made up one is good enough.
to end all suffering.
all the bloodshed, the anger.
and the heartbroken.
but perhaps before all this.
a judgement should be passed.
instant karma to those who have wronged.
to those who lied, deceived, hurt.
they should know the pain they caused.
to another human being.
someone with feelings just like them.
what's more one who truly loved and cared.
their heart should bleed the same.
their soul should break the same.
after all is done, let there be peace.
an eternal one.

strange & fuzzy.

i remembered our taiwan trip together.
it was a lovely trip, just us together.
all these memories.
why? :(

silhouettes.

i could not try.
i let it all play on me.
you are still in my heart.
:(

washed away.

madness taking control.

a black hole.

i miss the warmth of your love.
the stars are not shining anymore in my universe.
:(

bus rides.

i always liked how you would stand together with me even if there is still an empty seat.
we would only sit if there are seats for both of us.

toy.

you played with us.
& when you are done or found a better one,
you chuck us aside.

did you forget we have feelings?
perhaps you do not.
you only care about your own.

after all, humans are natural at being selfish.

now let the wind take my soul.

i sit here and wait.
not knowing what i am waiting for.
but it feels like the only thing i would do.

unbecoming.

do you know how empty and devastated i still am?
:'(

just as deep.

i wonder if you truly ever loved me at all.
or is it you just needed that companionship.

the sudden change begs for this one hell of a thought.
starting to lose sleep again.

the trade.

would you give up your happiness so others can be happy?
are you capable of such an exchange?

think... think... THINK!

dark corners.

all i see now are troubles.
no matter where the sun shines.
no matter the rainbows & butterflies.
i only see troubles.