the darkness burns ; the sunlight stings

-
-
You make me high.
You make me real.
You make me cry.
Now you know the way i feel.

Right me when i`m wrong.
I`ll never let you down even if i could.

But for that one reason,
I don't understand.
Why? Why this path?

Adiikkkkkkk! (:

just why ... ?

-
departure

TO

the

FRONTLINES

my hatred for you grows. i tried to stop it. it failed. you`re just too much.
and you... what happen to you...? :(

no matter what it takes ; whatever the cost

rotten core, you are much more despised now than ever before.

there is something else.

-

to be understood as to understand .

-

45 Scotts Road

-

one of the SIP Project.
not gonna post up all pictures of the house here.
these are just the living/dining area.
quite finished but not just yet.

i used to write like this for fun last time.

having emotions means that we are still human .

-
i got the sudden urge to write a book.
titled: the truth about Marcus and Faith.
it is interesting to learn about their character, attitude, doings, and way of life.
i know im just crapping.
im just saying how nice could it be if we could learn the truth about these kind of people.
to understand what had happened that caused them the way they are now.

is there really an incident that change their course of life?
change their character, attitude, actions, way of life?
`cause when we are born into this world, we are pure and innocent.
we ALL are.
NO ONE IS BORN EVIL OR BAD.
as we grow up, its the people and the surrounding that shapes us, and taint us.
if not influenced, we are the one who chose the way we want to be.
for the good or the bad, i guess its fate.

i desire to understand people.
as it could prevent conflicts and misunderstanding between parties.
i never really like fights and arguments.
`cause it just shows how immature one can be.
or how stubborn
or how damn egoistic one can be.
tsk.

in this 3 months of SIP, i honestly can say i opened more than before the door of my dark side.
what was that about?
anger, frustration, oppressed.
feelings for myself, for my friends.
you can hurt me real bad, i`ll get angry.
but you hurt my friends, i`ll go on a rage.

sometimes i feel like im losing control,
losing myself.
and there`s one point... i dont feel like myself.

i`ve never learn to hate.
i`ve only learn that as human beings, we ought to forgive each other.
even if the other party doesnt accept our forgiveness,
at least we`ve done it... & the rest is between him/her & God.

"the day when everyone can understand each other."

just when?

Reality: "Its just too much to ask for."

a condemned act .

-
i am thinking about it.
thinking about it.
thinking about it.

THINKING ABOUT IT!

ALL THE TIME!

I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE TRYING TO DO.
USING UNDERHAND MEANS.
ITS AS EQUAL AS BACKSTAB.
EVIL PERSUASION.

forgive me.
i know, i`m selfish.

PIDians meet up.

-
today knocked off from work early.
which is soooo daaaaamn gooooood! XD

because we`re all meeting up for FYP briefing meeting.
back in school.

its been some time.
some nice feeling when see back the familiar faces,
after near 3 months.

new lecturers and new FYP system.
i cant put it high up nor low down.
i just hope we all end this nicely.

mass dinner at prata shop!
loooooong table ^^
& its not the kind of every day thing. (:

great day, hands down.

check check .

-
... as long as our intentions are good .

my body is aching real bad.
maybe i shouldnt have gone all out so suddenly.

mum chucked in panadol and some med oil.
im knockin off.

nights, world.

gravity ties us to reality .

-
of serenity & chaos.

2 more weeks .

-
my mum went on a rampage.
and so do i.
and i just realised i am working on Saturday evening when she scold me.
was like sudden wake up.
saying why your company throw you anyhow.
and youre working for them, letting them earn money, while you earn nothing!
(honestly i dont learn much in my SIP)

like now! 6-10pm.
im with Chloe & Syarul at Jurong West right now!
promoting our company`s services to a bridal organisation.

if i had sound my boss back that i cant make it for today, i bet someone else will have to replace me.
that just sucks right?

seriously, they make money by USING us.
damn pissed now.
at both of them!
should tell the whole damn world about how this "SUCCESSFUL" kind of people make money.

they fucking corrupt our minds with their fucking adult novelties,
throw their shitty attitude at us,
teach us to lies to clients and people we`re working with,
expect alot from us when we`re just learning!
AND WE GET NOTHING!
no salary also!

go and hire some workers laa shitholes.
dont bother us.
WE GIVE THEM FACE! THATS WHY!

i wanna see you both struggle without us.
yes i am feeling evil now.
very indeed.
control me.

i`ve been spouting more vulgarities.
not good.
very not good.

what 3 years of inactiveness do .

-
i went with Shamir this morn to train for NAPFA.
i managed to dig out my Sec 5 NAPFA results.
then i get the passing grades for 20-24 years old male from the net.

i put the 5 points mark for all. haha.
target.

and i did everythin except shuttle run today.
the only thing that is still okay for me is my standing broad jump.
the rest... CMI!
my 2.4 run timing from 10:18 to 13:03!!!
my body like adding a minute to each inactive year like that!
bad bad bad! :(
need to train again.
hopefully on weekday nights after work.
see how.

i`ll put up my Sec 5 and current results later on.
gotta go work and my body is kinda aching.
and i had afternoon nap like for the first time since SIP start.
haha.
okok i better get going.
Boon Lay. T.T

time to reset, & start .

-
3 days ago was Adik`s 20th.
apparently she didnt knew we sneaked in birthday cake since lunch time WITH her.
haha!
anyway Happy Birthday again! best wishes! :)

i am getting sleepy lately.
bus ride!
i mean i dont usually sleep when im going somewhere.
usually only when coming back then MAYBE i would.

just now was my 2nd time i missed my stop!
and i stopped further up to Upp Bukit Timah Rd.
maybe next time it`ll be the interchange. =.="
ahh well.

and 2 weeks left of SIP!
cannot wait.
i can no longer keep up with the situation at work.
or rather, i desire not.

true its the end of SIP and the start of FYP.
but whats to come, will come.
whats to end, will end.
denying that fact wont get us anywhere.

anyway went to meet the rest for Rathi's birthay celebration.
walked away after work with Shumin and Cihui. :x
if i wait, dont think can meet them.
so i knocked off.
the rest were still doing the wedding decor for the Bentley.
wonder what time they went off. hmm.

Downtown East Platinum Lounge.
Sharmine, Nordiana, Ivy, Shamir, Regu, Rathi, Ridhwan, Me and Maishirin.
it was their last stop for the day and i made it in time. haha.
played some hilarious mental games.
so L O L.

went off at 11 plus.
and i guess now im hungry.
i crave for prata and coke float!
^^

tmrw starts my training for NAPFA.
awesome.
i wanna see how far back i am.
3 years of not much active training.
3 weeks to NAPFA.
dont know if i can be back on form on time.
good luck Samir.