hard to understand.

the hole in my heart still yearns for you.

i miss you again and again and again...

just the same.

 I saw him the other day. His arms around another girl, his eyes when met with mine - were slow in their recognition. I wonder if he remembers what I once told him.

I will love you forever.

He had smiled at me sadly before giving his reply.

But I am so afraid you may one day stop.

Now all these years later, I am the one who is afraid. Because I love him, I still do. I haven't stopped. I don't think I can. I don't think I ever will.

- Lang Leav

cheating death.

down we fall. darkness in all. through hell.

painfully dark.

the desire to hurt people, who inflicted pain to others, continues to grow.

end of all days.

how long has it been since?
how long has it been that my heart still beats for you?

it still does.

the pyres.

destruction is the game played.

S.T.A.Y.

remember when we watched zombie shows?
you asked me if i would stay with you if you were bitten.
i told you i would stay.
i would stay.

lost my way.

heart filled with the emptiness of space.
sometimes i hear echoes of your sweet voice.
they create more sparks of insanity that kills.
but i needed that.
i need to remember.

looking at the stars.

everytime i look at the night sky, it reminds me of us spending the night on the mountain of Taiwan.
you wanted to take a shot of the stars using the DSLR but it doesn't seem to turn out well.
so you whipped out your smartphone instead 😂
one of the cutest moments of you, ever.
loved you so much.

hurricane.

as days go by, the night's on fire.

implode.

when you have all the pain and loneliness in your heart but you are afraid to disturb the happiness of others.

vanish.

if i die, would you care?

miss you, booey.

i couldn't get it out of me.
its still there.
leeched on perhaps for eternity.
the memory.
the good.
the bad.
the ugly.

and no matter how deep this hell you have thrown me into, i still miss you.
i dont why the fuck.
don't ask me why.
i'm going crazy.

i miss you, booey.

stupidity.

a kind heart never loses its love even when broken.

never bat an eye.

you left my soul to bleed dry.

close to you.

a dream dies when you wakes up.

i need to not wake up.

so i can see you again.

dispirited.

surge of pain, sadness & anger lingers.
it is difficult when people ignore the source.
you are unable to fully bridge your thoughts.
just keeping them hidden.
let them feed on the failing heart.
on whatever that is left, if any.

madness in the night's stage.

when the dream plays the beautiful record, you just want to continue sleeping.
when it ends, it feels like the whole world crumbles.
All. Over. Again.

both eyes closed.

i was a very cautious person.
there were always safety nets in everything i am about to do or would be doing.
while i know things doesn't always go as planned, i made sure its as less risky as possible.
more often that not i tend to overpack myself.
not just for me but others too.
i am well prep-ed.

but when i started to be with you, i stopped.
i knew the risks.
i knew the tough road.
you knew it too.
our love was magical.
i no longer thought of fixing that safety net.
i just want to jump with you.
into whatever.
anywhere, anyhow.
i no longer look behind me.
i never doubted us.
never doubted you.
never doubted our love.
we were going to make it.
together.

we held each other's hands.
stood at the edge.
close our eyes.
and jump.

except that i'm the only one who did.
you were still up on the edge with one eye open.
and me.
i fell.
alone.
into the abyss.
and there was no safety net there to catch me.

i ask my girl.

it was the first weekend.
everyone is still trying to settle in.
the timing, the rules, the isolation.
i didn't thought i would make it through.
bet no one really did.

we were sitting on the floor.
heard we're going to learn how to sing.
but its not any ordinary song.
its marching songs.
the one made between point A and B.

some of them already knew them.
others like me don't.
the songs weren't entirely awful.
but its not that beautiful either.
like it or not, this will happen.

one song particularly tug my heartstrings.
not because it has emotional lyrics.
but it reminds me of you.
not to mention i already was.
you were in my head through the days.

I Ask My Girl.

that was the song.
we had more or less started dating.
so the first bunch of lines were relatable.
at some point it got depressing.
one for the fact that i am still in confinement.
two for missing out the early fire in love.

i memorised the lyrics.
sometimes i utter them under my breath.
while taking the rushed showers.
or carrying out punishments.
but mostly on bed before i sleep.
and before our precious night calls.

strange as it may seem but it is what it is.
the song, me, you, we, us.
somehow during those times they gel.
you were my strength.
my light of hope.
one and only, boo.

rue.

would you kill to save a life?

did you forget?

did you forget i was even alive?