not here, not there.

it came back again.
not that it had left.
this time more intense.
more strong.
more painful.

Mayday songs played in my head.
reminds me of how we start.
just casually together.
so young and free.
so full of love.

your face keeps flashing.
my heart weakens.
i was supposed to move on.
but i just could not.
i still need time.

tears would well up in my eyes.
this as i reminesce the moments we shared.
i. still. am. not. able. to. accept. it.
it was too fast and too shocking.
it was messy.

i'm neither alive nor dead.
an empty shell void of existence.
nothing i do is free of you.
the memories of you.
the memories of us.

//

last night i had a cruel dream.
i dreamt of us back when we were together.
having the time of our lives...