FINDING JOB DAY WITH SIONG

today i woke up like arnd 10 plus near 1100. siong called saying the job his friend had offered wants us in for an interview. so i agreed and get going. i was actually kinda tired dunno why. maybe becos i slept quite late yesterday. dun even remember what i was doing.

so anyway i took a long mrt ride to ang mo kio. becos the workplace is near there. the ride near an hour but its okay. i pass time listening music. a PSP would be better. haha. anyway when i reach amk station, i met up with siong. and wow. amk hub is so cool. cos i never been there before. yea. so cool the interchange. air con. all air con. zai! we took a feeder bus and head to a warehouse. met the manager of the company. its an old lady. oops :X what i mean is that she's a lady of age. yea.

wait, let me take in a contextual knowledge of mine into this matter. i learnt about LEADERSHIP & CHARACTER in school as an extra thing. so from what i've learnt managers are not leaders. hahaha! so she is just some person who takes charge of a monotonous work. not someone who takes lead in a situation. hmm. not to criticize la. im just using my knowledge for some purposes. haha. no point to learn & keep it inside right? yeah.

back back. so after that intervierw thing we went for lunch. i msg-ed cheryl to join for lunch. she lives near amk hub. but she have already eaten & is going out. so okae then. me & siong went for mac. haizz. $$$ fly. i think this is the ferst time in my entire life i eaten so much of fast food. but my weight is forever like that. sian-ed. yaa so after that we disperse. i wanna try taking the bus ride home. waa the heavy rain just make it more fun. i dunno y. it feels so shiok. i sat at the top of a double-decker bus. saw a few lightnings struck by in a distance. the trembling sounds of thunder. it feels so cool and again, i dunno y. oh btw im one of those people who just loves the rain. haha. feeling so emo just now in the bus. eeergh. cos i feel so alone. HAHA! ok. pls. im not those kind of emotional freaks. right.

so back at home. nthg much. played xbox again. and then. dinner. and then now. blogging. i just hope i get that job. so i can atleast spend some quality time making money. hehe. yeah. and i badly want to go fishing. i NEED to go fish. the fishes miss me! yahh! =.= so well. guess thats all. til next entry. haha.


inBlack&Red,
` samarra .

the immense stress over. the immense freedom comes.

so yesterday was like the ending of the 2nd block. the feeling of having it over was so shiok. for weeks i have been in a state of restless nights and increasing stress. now i feel so light. it feels just like the ending of O levels. damn holidays are here!!! a month. so im making sure i used the WHOLE of it for fun. im not sure if i can get any work.

okae anyway lets talk about the period of utter nightmares. its not that i want to but i just wanna say what i felt. so those were the days in the past week whereby me & my friends rushing to finish of our 3d model sculpture. me & kenneth started of late becos we slacked (not that much). but we came up with a number of designs for approval. last 2 nights i think, my friends came over to finish off their sculptures. for your info im one of the nearest who stay near school. so bryan, kai siong and kenneth come over to do. as usual, ken is the regular stay-over person so my parents like already know him so well as the guy who practises 'dead sleeping'. he's funny at times but when he is in a bad mood, he IS really one farker. haha. no offense but thats the truth. my sis says he is funny.

so that faithful night, we cheong-ed like hell. later into the night, bryan & siong left cos they cant stay over. ken stayed and brooded over his design. he barely started the night before the deadline. i tried to help him but he continuosly say that its okae and nevermind and that he dont give a shit. i was like a single light bulb in an enormous cave. a hope dampened. so i said nothing. the following morning (day of deadline), i woke up to find siong sitting at my house dining table. lol. he had told me he will come back in the morning with bryan to take his stuffs. i was sleeping on the couch and i bet this is the ferst time my friends see me sleep. ken was sleeping on another couch. bryan came later. and my living room floor was a mess. i was just too tired to wake up. however the presence of my friends that morning gave me the 'aura' (haha) to get going.

i finished bathing and ken is still drooling. nobody can get him up. surprisingly he woke up after our many attempts. and ONE thing. he had not had a single part of his model done. so i thought that after i finish mine in school. and so that WAS what i thought. afta he washed up (barely) and after abit of cleaning up (my mum says she will settle the mess), we went out with all our stuffs and hailed a cab to school. to say, our school is less than a couple o km from my house but well... with so many stuffs to carry, boarding a bus will just be a bonus to blockage. in school again we cheong-ed. later we had lunch and it rained. ken gave up on his model and went off somewhere. i called him, he said he's in the library. i dunno wad to say. i said earlier that i will help him when i finish wif my model but it seems that my model is not also done. i actually assembled it in the display room itself. i just hoped that mine can get a decent grade. the initial design is so different from the outcome. but well, you know, things change.

after that, we had our peer marking and some stupid sucky survey. honestly i think that this module is the most fun & interesting. the ONLY thing that it sucks in is the limited time. that make the whole thing sucks in a way. well. i really felt bad for ken cos i cant help him. he didnt blame me either cos he really dont want to do any shit. so after all those, i came down to the workshop back with ivy and siyi to clear up our left-over stuffs. on the last day of every block, things are everywhere, borrowed, lent. so our stuffs some are gone but we found new stuffs. haha. standard. later i went to DoTA with the rest of the guys and bade farewell to the 2 girls. its time to have some serious DoTA!!! haha. FUN FUN FUN. oh and i had a fast dinner with sam at mac. sad siong cant join. he was home right after the peer marking.

all of us felt so good that another block has ended. a nightmare is gone, for the time being. im here now a happy person, i think. life is still long (but if God speaks short, and short it will be). so while we live, love the ones we love. care for them while they are still breathing. for all the mistakes that i had made in life, i just cant forgave myself in doing them though certainly they are forgiven. i will miss you my friends. i shall now say goodbye. til then, see you.

i never want to fall again, to fall in love.
a life in Black&Red.
` samarra .

CORRECTION FOR PREVIOUS ENTRY

o there was a mistake in the previous entry. about the coffee thing that i said i spammed all the way to burn the midnight oil. actually it increases my metabolism rate even higher and thats why eating large amounts of food makes no difference in my physical size. o damn. nvm. im just greatful that im alive and that i am capable of surviving on my own. praise to God i am alive.

Back After A Month

its been a month since i entered an entry. i was busy with schoolworks. its getting me stressed up and i think i start to lack in looking after my health. there was once an assignment is needed to be handed in in a short period of time. i had no choice but to burn the midnight oil to complete it. i spammed coffee all the way. and i tink becos of the coffee, it lowers down my metabolism rate even lower since my secondary school friends saw me the other day and noticed that i had became more skinnier. it was an insult. yes. but its true. i dont mind.

i tink after this freaking module ends that is next week, i tink i gona go to the beach and relax and just have fun while the holidays last. becos wenever school is on, suffering is inevitable. but of cos there are many ways to release the stress abit while in school. for me i usually just disturb my friends and annoy them to the extend that they wont even bother about you later on. yea i know thats screwed. haha. i had the pleasure doing that. another de-stressing method for me is to listen to music. well actually, it just help to soothes my mind for awhile when i got stuck up with some particular thing in my assignment. the last one is DOTA. well the addictive game. me n my friends usually called on the game when we are stress. but sometimes we are just playing on not to de-stress but jut for fun! and a week ago, friday, was the most fun day. that is we played dota for like 6 hours. my eyes burn, really. it was hell of a night. just sit there in front of the comp and click click click. to think of it, i tink i regretted playing that long cos now i gotta submit a digital rendering assignment by friday. and i barely traced out the product out on the illustrator. well thats life. regret is always in our lives.

so well now i am blogging. waiting for the trial download of the adobe illustrator CS3 to load finish. and omg it take about 1h 40min for my comp to download it. that is totally screwed up alredy. gotta wait long long. furthermore tmrw still need to submit a 3d model of planes. planes as in paper strips not that flying vehicle thinggy. i bought the colored papers but haven do yet becos i dont haf satay sticks or wire to make the planes stand later on the mounting board. tts damn fcked up. i should have brought back some wires from the studio. so that at least i can do the thing at home and not waste time like now waiting for the illustrator to atleast download finish so that i can continue abit with my work on the digital rendering. damn. i damn stressed. everyday is a terrible one. i tink im missing a motivation in life. last time i have the motivation which boost my energy thruout difficult times. of cos that past motivation is a person and that though she does not care much about me, i made her as a motivation in my life. many things i accomplished is thanks to her though she did nothing to assist or help me in any way. now that the motivation is gone. in search of a new one is never desperate. that is why i have to find a motivation that stays and particularly materialistic. so that losing it is totally impossible. okae til this point, i dun really understand what im trying to say cos my heart has taken over. if u understand then its good laa k. words from the heart are sometimes messy. okae crap. FULL STOP!

-

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inBlack&Red

` samarra .

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!

woooooohhhoooooooooo!

fasting month is OVER!

yeaahh.

now its time to celebrate our perseverance during Ramadan.

the hunger, the thirst, the fatigue, the commitment.

yeahh.

so my family & i celebrated the usualy way.

oh ya. we rented a car.

every year standard laa must rent.

so today went to cover most of my mum's side.

the elders laa.

tmrw then my dad's.

-

wow i cant get enuf of the food man.

its once a year you get those wonderful, scrumptious, delightful food!

drinks no need to say ah.

its always the F&N drinks.

at certain house i just drank plain water.

cos 7 house you dont expect to drink 7 glasses of those carbonated drinks rite.

stomach gonna blow.

seriously.

-

so then met with my cousins, near & far.

the children, the uncles, the aunties, the babies, the grandmother.

yeaa.

as always fun ah.

plus the bonus: GREEN PACKETS!

LOL.

save ahh.. ^^,

BUT!

those are not the important thing in this festive season.

the important thing is to seek forgiveness frm ppl & forgive ppl.

its to forget all abt the mistakes of the past.

and look ahead, striving for a better future along with good & healthy relationships.

yeaahh.

:)

tink thats all about HARI RAYA.

-

anyway i feel freaking sian about my schoolwork.

i tink i slacked.

God knows.

anyway these weekends suppose to be the time for me to chiong my school assignments.

but then its HARI RAYA!

so i was like.. wth ah.

baskett ah.

wad a nice combo.

-

but dont worry man.

monday is going to suffer me.

i gonna chiong hardcore on monday!

HECKCARE!

haha.

its time to reveal my otherside..

-

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inBlack&Red,

` samarra .

Monday Blues

-

yo wasseeepppppp.

haha.

lol. my new hair.

not much of a hair though.

quite a number of ppl look at me in the way

like "what the ....".

hahaha.

cos in poly u dont expect much ppl wanna cut hair this short.

hmm so.

yaa.

there was a Director Comm Session this morning at 0900.

my class (most of them).

gathered & met up at the school bustop.

so it was 0920+ when the last person expected turned up.

we were late yeah.

either way, we tried to budge in but to no avail.

we gotta wait for the next session at 1100.

all went for lunch.

i just sat there & stoned.

-

and the guys all went up to dota.

haha.

fast one.

we dont want to miss the 1100 session.

thought it might pissed Moses off.

(Moses is the Des Sch Diretor anyway).

at 1045 we abandoned the CAD Lab.

paused Dota.

locked the damn comps.

and went to the auditorium where the session was.

-

the girls were just ahead of us.

we managed to gathered up in the entrance of the audi.

talk2 crap.

-

about an hour & a half later the session finished.

we were all kinda droopy.

it was raining.

cool man.

shiiooook.

some left some stayed to do rendering.

the guys who went for dota earlier resumed their game.

but of cos.

the game had end becos the game only paused for like 2mins.

LOL.

so everythin gone.

we started a new game.

i tink we played like around a couple more games.

then sam & me joined siong at the studio.

he is rendering.

i panicked.

LOL.

cos my hmwrk is nowhere near done.

hmm.

so thats about it before we left.

haha.

bye!

-

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inBlack&Red,

` samarra .

A Wasted Weekend

so today is the last weekend in the fasting month.

5 more days and its over.

then HARI RAYA!!!

YEEAAAHHHHH!

well to think of it, im happy.

-

but to think again, i dont think so.

well im no satisfied with my progress in the new term.

i mean we're learning about marker rendering & materials.

its not that its boring.

okae la to be honest the materials module is boring.

but well, its essential for any product designer.

the marker rendering is fun but well....its damn ex.

one marker is like 5 bucks.

and i have to have abt 7 of those.

so money do burn in this current module.

burn burn burn.

-

okae thats about my complaint.

well the weekends....

hmm.

i didnt make out anythin good out of this current weekend.

i didnt do any school work.

i tried but just cant.

cos the festive mood is there.

haha.

well actually i only help wash my window & change my own curtains.

lol.

anythin than that is sleep.

i've been sleeping for quite alot of time in the day

everytime i wake up i thought its morning.

freaking funny.

wait my mum wake me up, i open my eyes, glance hard at the watch,

and look outside the window.

then my mum will say' "you think it's morning?".

hahaha. funny funny.

-

so the weekends are kinda long & dry.

but not for just now.

it rained in the afternoon.

was kinda cooling.

wind was strong.

lovely.

and i just watched the news just now.

theres a water spout again.

same place East Coast.

haha. cool eh.

they've been appearing for quite lotsa times this year.

last time those water spouts appear is in last June.

nicee.

hmm.

so now im outta words.

ohh ya!

-

I CUT MY HAIR DAMN SHORT!

LOL.

first time damn short.

GI no.4.

my head now is feeling damn light.

hahaha.

i love the feeling wen I brush my hands thru my hair & feel my short hair.

HAHA!

macam grass.

-

well i guess thats about it.

takecare peeps.

-

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inBlack&Red,

` samarra .

ROT AT HOME

here i am.

declaring myself bored.

BORED!

great man.

im still feeling damn freaking sad to the damn core of my heart.

yestd discovery was the worst.

not the worst, i mean the saddest.

i dunno how to say man.

so i better dont say.

school is alredy getting tough.

the future still uncertain.

and then this painful discovery.

fcuk man.

FCUK!

my life is now far beyond damaged.

its RAVAGED!

dont try to understand me.

NEVER TRY!

i cant control myself man yestd.

freaking bull.shit.

-

i want to thank SEEBONG & TIBET for calming me down.

im greatful i have u guys around man.

-

i dunno why i cared so much!

MAYBE I CARED TOO MUCH!!!

cared too much for the 2 girls whom i know dont give fcukcare about me.

why i care for them?

its not that i WANT them.

i just dont want them to fall to the wrong side in society.

life's just too great man.

TOO GREAT!

what's my next move?

only GOD knows..

-

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inBlack&Red,

` samarra .

i've listened to the heaviest metal songs.

MEGADETH.

i had listened to them lately.

just a couple o songs from them from the new album: 'United Abominations'.

for me the 'Washington Is Next!' is the best song.

i've yet to listen to the rest.

yeaa it was heavy.

Megadeth has so far been labelled the best heavy metal band.

i tink its kinda cool.

but im not into their songs yet.

-

last time i use to listen to slow songs.

those english love songs.

cos at that time i fell in love with my crush.

so i was FEELING the love FEELING.

and then malay love songs.

and somehow english rock.

then she made me turn to metal.

'MADE ME'.

cos i was damn frustrated of not getting her.

so i listened to metal.

metal.

metal.

metal.

i didnt care abt my ears.

all i know metal songs somehow brings me calm.

those double pedalling, SCREAMING!!!

i thought i destroyed my life.

but i dun tink so.

cos metal doesnt really turn me into a freako.

i mean i still do joke, laugh.

-

ask my friends.

im a joker.

i love my friends.

i pray to God to protect them from harm.

and so, I will.

-

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inBlack&Red,

` samarra .

A DAMAGED LIFE

i felt like a paratrooper jumping in the heart of a battlefield without any parachutes on.

;

i felt like a red rose smacked right in the scorching heat of the sahara desert.

;

i felt like a racing car which is leading but the engine broke down in the last lap.

;

i felt like a sniper who loses his scope and sidearm when enemy charges at a distance.

;

i felt like a nuclear bomb that drops into the enemy base and didnt explode.

;

i felt like a ravaged country left abandoned and isolated from the world.

;

i felt like a calendar that countdowns to the end of time.

.

.

.

its not what i felt.

its what im feeling.

.

.

.

all is lost.

and you, will NEVER understand.

thanks.

.

.

.

inBlack&Red,

` samarra .